


Say The Word

by ann2who



Series: Say When Verse [3]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Iron Man (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Aftermath, Domestic Avengers, M/M, Natasha Is a Good Bro, Natasha Knows Everything, Steve Feels, Undercover Missions
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-08
Updated: 2014-09-08
Packaged: 2018-02-16 16:31:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,309
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2276745
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ann2who/pseuds/ann2who
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>** Post-Avengers⎪Natasha POV **</p><p>** Can be read as a stand alone! **</p><p>Interlude between Book 1 and 2 of the Say When series. The idea of the Avengers as a long-term thing still felt strange to her. Natasha was sure that none of them had ever entertained the illusion of making friends on the way. And now here she was, in Stark Tower of all places, because Steve wanted her here. Because Stark—however that had happened—wanted her here. She kept waiting to find a catch in all of this, and somehow, it never happened.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Say The Word

**Author's Note:**

  * Translation into 中文 available: [Say The Word](https://archiveofourown.org/works/6543478) by [welldoer](https://archiveofourown.org/users/welldoer/pseuds/welldoer)



> ** This takes place right after "Say When" **
> 
> ** This can be read as a stand alone. Just know that Steve went undercover in Iron Man 2 to find out what was happening with Tony. They fell in love during the mission, and while Tony felt deeply betrayed by Steve's deceit, he chose to forgive him. Steve and Tony are now in an established relationship and live with the rest of the Avengers in New York **
> 
> ** Thanks to [morphia](http://archiveofourown.org/users/morphia/pseuds/morphia) who beta'ed this for me **

**Natasha**

 

The first day at the tower started on an early, almost serene note. Natasha didn’t even bother to glance up when she heard the first footsteps in the hallway. She knew Steve would be the first to arrive here in the mornings. He hesitated when he noticed her presence, though, and quietly took a step back around the corner.

He hadn’t exactly avoided her since New York—there had been little time to talk in private anyway. However, the fact that he remained where he was now, probably gathering his words before he approached her, spoke volumes. She had a vague idea what was keeping him, and had decided to simply wait until he would break the silence himself.

Natasha smiled a little, as she regarded Steve’s form through the mirroring surface of the refrigerator. She’d always thought of him as a tower of strength. Apparently, even towers had their off days. Steve looked visibly worn, fatigued from the recent events, just like they all were.

It had taken two full weeks of debriefing at the Triskelion before all Avengers, sans Thor, were slowly settling back in. While the official hearing in front of the committee in DC had somewhat felt like ripping off a Band-Aid—not without pain, but over quickly enough—getting the go-ahead for the Avengers Initiative from SHIELD’s senior leaders had been so much more strenuous.

Especially with Stark being the one who presented their claim.

Now, only a few hours before they would become an official team, it became harder to remember that most of them hadn’t even known each other until recently. It felt so easy to fall into place with them. These were people she felt she could be around. For now. People she could respect.

After Thor had returned to Asgard, Stark had instantly herded them all away to his tower. As far as she knew, Banner had already taken up permanent residence in one of the top floors and even had his own laboratory on the floor beneath Stark’s workshop.

It would take a bit longer for her and Clint to wrap up their business with SHIELD—longer than it had for Steve. Stark had offered, though, and they had accepted, and it was only a matter of time now before they would move in, too.

The idea of the Avengers as a long-term thing still felt strange to her. Natasha was sure that none of them had ever entertained the illusion of making friends on the way. And now here she was, in Stark Tower of all places, because Steve wanted her here. Because _Stark_ —however that had happened—wanted her here.

Natasha kept waiting to find a catch in all of this, and somehow, it never happened.

Right after DC, Pierce had given her the opportunity to go back to her usual existence. To simply walk in the opposite direction and have things return to the way they used to be.

Strangely enough, she hadn’t said yes. It was a surprisingly simple decision—leaving SHIELD. There was no real opposition, no additional hearings, nothing aside a few stunned glances. She guessed there was no reason for Pierce to hamper their leave—the damage, after all, had already been done. Clint had walked intently alongside her, and aside from Nick and Maria, there had been no one to say goodbye to.

Sooner or later, it would probably hit home that this was really her life now. She had broken all her rules. She was out in the open now. And there was no going back. Being so close to other people would change her, and she had accepted that. She would start to care more. Clint had just been the first. She was starting to care about others as well, and she already knew she would kill anyone who dared hurt Steve. There had been Coulson, and there was Nick. Banner was a good man, too… and Stark… well. Stark was mostly a stranger to her, but she began to see where Steve was coming from. Besides, Clint needed someone who’d appreciated his humor, and she knew Stark had good intentions. For now, that was enough.

In the hallway, Natasha heard Steve exhale two deep breaths. It was a ritual he wasn’t aware he was doing. Something he _always_ did whenever he prepared himself for facing something particularly unpleasant. She watched him pull up the leather strips of the new navy blue Stealth uniform Stark had designed for him. Then he set the shield down on his back, as he stepped out of the corridor, approaching Natasha with his purposeful stride, squared shoulders and chin held up high.

The man was adorable.

There was a brief silence, as Steve assumed a seat in the chair opposite her. It was oddly comfortable. Enjoying the silence, or something like that, before someone had to acknowledge the elephant in the room. Calmly, Natasha took the little spoon off the kitchen counter, rotating it once between her fingers, before scooping off the foam of the large cappuccino in front of her.

Steve looked up at her. “Slept well?”

A flicker and she glanced up. “Yes.”

Steve nodded.

“ETA ten,” she told him, and put the spoon back in her mouth. “The others should be here soon.”

Steve hummed his agreement. On first glance, his face betrayed nothing. His expression was a blank slate, his pose very calm. He’d mastered the art of controlling his outward appearance quickly, and everyone else would be easily convinced he wasn’t nervous at all. Only the slight tension in his shoulder blades, and the somewhat quicker breathing betrayed him.

Steve was always trying just a little bit too hard.

He glanced up at her for the fracture of a second. “I meant to talk to you.”

A shadow of a smirk crossed her face. “What about?”

“It’s not really relevant for the conference. I just wanted—before we make this public—I’d like to clear up the mission with you… We haven’t really had the chance to talk about what happened before New York.”

 _And after that_ , he didn’t say.

Natasha suppressed a smile. She knew this was about Stark, and this was _so_ much like Steve. That he would still feel the need to confess something when he _knew_ that the person he was talking to already knew every single one of his secrets. He had to be aware that she knew about his infatuation—or whatever it was he had with Stark. The _whole world_ had seen him and Stark kissing in the aftermath of destruction. There had been documentations on that kiss, open debates, and hundreds of front pages. Also, Stark and Steve had been almost omnipresent on the Time Square billboards for the past two weeks.

And yet he wanted to do the right thing and tell her.

This was so _Steve_.

Steve, who probably hadn’t even realized that he had smiled at her all but two minutes upon his defrosting before he lost consciousness again. Steve, who would just walk up to her in the middle of the Commander area and ask if she’d like to watch some of the ‘must see’ movies on his list. Steve, who was so brilliantly intelligent, that it had taken only a few hours for him to understand the dynamics of this new world. And it had been Steve, who would simply sit with her whenever things got a bit too much to bear it alone.

Steve was her friend, her family. And if, for some of his old-fashioned reasons, he thought it was necessary to tell her about Stark face-to-face, then she would gladly indulge him.

When another minute passed, Natasha raised an eyebrow at Steve, and reached for his hand with a soft expression.

Steve sighed, obviously exasperated at himself. “When did this become so difficult?”

“When you made it difficult,” Natasha answered.

Steve frowned in confusion. “I said that out loud, didn’t I?”

Natasha chuckled warmly. “Either that, or I’m getting really good.”

Steve smirked, took another of his two deep breaths and sat up a bit straighter. “About the mission. I just wanted to tell you that I didn’t plan for it to go that way. I know I had specific instructions, and I tried to stick to them. Tony just… It got to a point where I had to be more direct with him and—I broke a few protocols, and…” He furrowed his brows, remembering something. “I think I may have blackmailed Coulson at one point.”

Natasha snorted at that. Loudly. “Sorry,” she said at Steve’s confused expression. “Steve. Trust me, even on your best days, you could _never_ have forced Phil Coulson to do anything he didn’t agree with.” She leaned forward, and pursed her lips. She knew she had to phrase her next words very carefully. “Look. Things happen. SHIELD is aware that some missions can be overwhelming and it’s not like Fury didn’t know that you’d damn all protocols to Hell if you thought it was the right thing to do. He knows how you operate. That’s part of the reason he chose you over me. He knew you’d show compassion.”

Steve’s mouth quirked a bit. “Well, I did a bit more than that.”

“Oh, I’ll bet you did,” Natasha said, and soon they were chuckling together. After another moment, it gradually turned into loud snorts of laughter. It was a start. This felt right—talking with him on a level that she had missed more than she could have ever fathomed.

Natasha glanced back at him with another chuckle. She pursed her lips, and then took one of his hands in hers. “No one expected you to be a machine.”

Steve took another deep breath. “Yeah, I know. I mean, I tried to keep my distance. Just…” He smiled a little, obviously at a loss for words. “I never could’ve imagined this—”

“Steve. It’s alright. I get it. I’m happy for you.”

A shadow fell over his face. “I’m not sure if Tony will ever really forgive me for what I put him through.”

Natasha pursed her lips again, and rubbed his hands softly. “Sure he will. He wouldn’t have made such a fuss if he didn’t care about you.”

“It’s not that simple. I lied to him.”

She rolled her eyes at him. “Of course it’s not simple. But it’s forgivable, Steve. It just takes a little time.”

The thoughts that went through Steve’s head at that were so palpable, he could’ve just as well said them out loud. Probably because Natasha knew them by heart. She could see it in his eyes. He didn’t know how Tony could possibly forgive him for this, when he couldn’t even forgive himself. Not by a long shot. The amount of hurt you inflict on the people you love by deceiving them can never truly be counterbalanced.

And there was nothing she could say to make this easier for him. Steve had known what he was doing. He had made a choice. And he would only forgive himself with time, if at all.

“I just wish I could start over, you know?”

Natasha nodded, her hand resuming the artless patterns of comfort that she drew across his hands. “You can’t. Better learn to accept that.”

Steve’s gaze remained fixed on the counter. Wondering. Waiting. His thoughts were far and away. That was simple to decipher.

A sigh of concession rumbled over Natasha’s lips. “You hurt him, but in our job, we sometimes have to hurt people in order to help them. We do what needs to be done, and you did everything you could. I’ve supervised a few missions before, Steve, and I’ve never seen anyone care for anyone the way I saw you care for Tony Stark.”

Steve remained still for an unblinking moment, then slowly nodded his consent. “Yeah,” he said. “It’s still not an excuse. It was wrong to keep him out of it. I should’ve just told him from the start.”

There was nothing in reply to that. The deed was done, and it was useless to dwell on all the what ifs. She knew that better than anyone. So instead, she leaned forward to kiss his forehead.

“For what it’s worth, I gave you top rating,” she said after a moment, and smiled when Steve cast her a disbelieving look. “No, I mean it. You did good. I think, in hindsight, the approach we laid out for you wouldn’t have worked with Stark anyway. You got to him, you made him fight, and you got the job done. You just… you know—” She grinned, and stood up. “—put a bit more into it than was probably necessary.”

She heard Steve snort as she brought the empty cup to the sink and rinsed it with water for a few seconds. “Speaking of which—” She looked over her shoulder. “He any good in bed?”

Steve huffed a laugh at that. “Oh, _so_ amazing,” he drawled, deadpan. “Goes for hours.”

Natasha chuckled. When she came back, she sat down on the stool next to him and leaned into Steve with a pensive smile, her head resting on his shoulders. A soft smile played on her lips. She knew herself well enough to know that this sort of openness could only be fleeting, but it felt good to have this. For now. And she knew Steve understood her—that they understood each other.

When she leaned back, she studied him for a minute before her eyes fell to the space between them. “You know… I figured it would be hard for you to keep your distance,” she started cautiously, and Steve stilled underneath her touch. “Not that I thought you weren’t capable, you _are_ , but… you’re just too good of a person not to care.” She smiled softly. “In the first months after your defrosting, you were so… closed up, and Clint, and I, and even Fury, we were… worried about you. The only times you ever showed _any_ kind of emotions, was when you found something particularly shocking in Stark’s files.” She glanced up and smiled at the memory. “You were just so _fascinated_ with him, you know? You would get extremely upset about his excessiveness, or just talk about his inventions for hours. I didn’t know you’d fall for him, but from what I knew about him, and about you… I figured it was either a very close bond or fierce hate—and in the end, it didn’t really matter to me which way it went, I just hoped Stark would get a rise out of you—and he did. In a good way. He makes you happy, doesn’t he?”

Steve released a deep shuddering breath at that.

“He does,” he told her after a long moment. He cleared his throat and cast his eyes downward. “His SHIELD file contained a lot of misleading information. And some, well, I guess it’s just not as bad in real life as it looks written down. He’s great. I never felt… anything like this.”

“Are you bragging about my bedroom skills again?” Stark asked with one of his sly smiles, strolling into the room in one of his new armors. “I get it. He finally came out of the closet, then?” As he walked up to Steve, he cast a quick glance to Natasha, before he wrapped an arm around Steve’s middle in a manner of such striking intimacy that Natasha almost felt the need to look away.

“He did,” she offered.

“You know it wasn’t about that,” Steve muttered. He kept looking at her for a second, and away on the next. There was a light pink flush on his cheeks that she didn’t get to see very often, as Stark pressed his lips against Steve’s neck. His hand automatically tangled with Stark’s where it rested against his stomach.

Stark grinned down at Steve, bouncing a little on his boots. He clapped a hand on Steve’s shoulder as he leaned back up. “No take-backs. Out and proud, honey.”

“It wasn’t about—” Steve groaned. “Never mind.”

Natasha’s eyes drifted over Stark’s face. “You seem freakishly cheery.”

“Well, I’m wired and ready to get this over with. _Fast_. Let’s please do this fast.”

Steve’s gaze narrowed. “How much coffee have you had?”

Stark rolled his eyes at him. “A cup when I woke up, a cup after we showered, and I’m almost sure I downed another one between suiting up and arriving here.”

Steve sighed. “It’s nine thirty, Tony. That much coffee is—”

“Not good for me?” Stark raised a brow. “Honey, I’ve been living on a liquid diet for most of my life and believe me, coffee is the least unhealthy bit of it.” He shrugged and winked at Steve. “Or, you know, the second to least.”

Natasha wisely decided to ignore that. It was the civil thing to do.

Clint and Banner filed in soon after that. Clint wore his uniform, bow strapped around his chest, while Banner wore a simple suit for the occasion. They all stepped into the Quinjet, and Natasha found her eyes drifting back to where Stark leaned against Steve.

“Remind me again why we’re doing this?” Stark asked him.

Steve had developed an endearingly goofy smile that she’d certainly never seen on him before. “Because we’re dedicating ourselves to something we believe in.”

“What,” Stark said in mock-outrage and reached for Steve’s waist to pull him closer. “And here I thought I just dedicated myself to you.”

“Nah,” Steve replied, grinning. “You’re not fooling anyone. You’re a natural do-gooder.”

Stark smiled and there was no denying the soft look in his eyes as he regarded Steve, and— _oh_. Oh. That’s what this was. She hadn’t quite seen that, yet. Stark leaned in to kiss Steve, caressing his face with as much tenderness as the armor allowed.

This was a man in love.

Natasha smiled at the scene, but eventually averted her gaze and leaned into Clint. He immediately pulled an arm around her. They sat in silence for a few minutes—soft, companionable, before Clint spoke up. “I just want you to know that I’m putting a lot on faith, here.”

“I know.”

“We befriended a bunch of weirdos. Not sure how that happened.” He gestured towards the two men. “That’s a bit disturbing, too.”

“You’ll get used to it.”

“Which one?”

“Both.”

“That’s what I’m afraid of.”

“It’s worth it.”

“So you keep saying.”

“If it annoys, it stays.”

Clint snorted. “As long as they don’t uncork in front of me, I’m cool with it.”

Natasha’s eyes lit with amusement. “Spent a lot of time thinking about that, have you?”

“No, just speculating.” He paused with a wince. “That did not come out right.”

Natasha stifled a snicker. “Right.”

Silence settled in again, while the Quinjet shot through the air. Clint expelled a deep breath, obviously determined not to make a big deal out of this. He still looked haunted. His eyes had lost the manic blue, but none of their hollowness. Guilt tormented him every second, and Natasha could only imagine how it felt to have memories that he knew were real but couldn’t fully recall. He’d lost so much, and she knew his existence had been close to breaking after New York.

One more reason to make this work. And it _would be_ worth it. It had to be.

They would all eventually overcome their obstacles. And right then, the future didn’t seem to matter all that much. The road ahead might be a long one, but right there, Natasha felt like she could finally take a deep breath.

For once, she wasn’t planning her next mission. With her team around, she could simply wait for what the future had in store for her.

And it felt surprisingly good.


End file.
